Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Milestones

This morning Benjamin rolled over. It may not seem like a big deal and I'm pretty sure that children number 3, 4, and 5 didn't see such a flurry of excitement. After our first two we were pretty content to let things happen as they happen and content to see them finally, um, happen. :)
I can't say Ben has spent much time on the floor (scary as a sixth child), or that I've been practicing with him, but seeing him perform this milestone was a miracle for me and something I've been anticipating for about a month.
After the first time we all gathered around and cheered as we made him perform for whomever had missed it. It's amazing the lift this small act gave me. I now know:
1. He won't always be just a few months old, small, and susceptible.
2. He is growing just fine.
3. Although the doctors talked about a potential need for physical therapists and such, my gut feeling is so far true, loving parents and 5 cheering siblings are all he needs.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Why life is hard.......for me.






Hi! I know it's been forever. Trust me, it feels like forever. :)
I'm worried I'm turning into one of those people who always complains. Who you find yourself running from when you see them coming. But people keep asking all the right questions:

How is Bart's dissertation going:
Answer: I hate Phds, I hate disserations, I hate education, when I see him sitting on the couch in front of the computer all day I want to ring his neck!!!
(Okay, not always so violent but seriously getting there. He works all day on it because we are doing everything we can to get it done this semester. I couldn't tell you how it's going, it's all greek to me. All I know is sometimes he's pleased, and sometimes frustrated, and I am mainly frustrated. :))

How are Bart's classes going?
Answer: We are grateful for the work. (I look around for lightening to strike in case I seem ungrateful. :)) But I'm not fond of having him busy all day, then gone all evening.
(Bart has been teaching night classes at a college in Boise for our bread. They love him and he has talent as a teacher but it is a long commute and long nights for both of us.)

How are your (many) children?

Answer: Sick again. How, I have no idea. They are also bent on destroying the house.

How is the baby? Answer: Sick, cranky, constipated, and cute when I have the energy to notice.

How are you?
Answer: Tired, Tired, Tired, of being dirt poor, and run ragged because I'm basically a single mom.

Now you see why people run from me? Okay, honestly I try not to come across this morose but yesterday I was thinking of these question and answers and I realized why life is so hard.

If I had a normal 7 1/2 month old, he would be sitting up, rolling over, starting to play with toys, bigger, have some semblance of a schedule, sleeping better at night, etc.
Instead, after 7 1/2 months I only have a 4 month old. Sounds "duh" I know but I have been pushing myself so hard in a really tough situation on all fronts, because mentally I think I have an almost 8 month old and I should have it together by now, right? I battle being depressed because obviously, I feel like I'm pathetic. So this really long, horrible post is to let you all know that I fixed my mental malfunction ( atleast this one :)) and have realized I have had a new born for twice as long as normal. Things aren't hard because I'm pathetic! Yea!
Today, I made my little goals, rejoiced in what I accomplished, and walked right by what I didn't without guilt. It was wonderful! Not to mention, I took a pause to enjoy our beautiful baby and take some photobooth pictures of him for you. Here's to making life easier on myself!

Family Reunions 2






Reunions are for puddles, cousins, and taking apart the truck. :)

More babies, reading, and 2 year olds birthday floats





Family Reunions 1





Babies and two year olds with hoses





Sewing, and 2 year olds





Here are a few shots from the past several months.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Fun Labor Day Weekend

Yes, I really don't have any pictures, but we have had some visitors that made for a great Labor Day Weekend. For some, this was their destination (how exciting!); for others this was the bed and breakfast to and from dropping off their son at BYU-I (how exciting!)...

As part of our fun, we stopped at Purdum's Market - wow... amazing stuff there - and got some veggies. While Enoch and I were shucking the corn he said, "Look! There is one of those bugs I said look like a mosquito!"

I looked and saw one of these running around on the patio:
Wow! It was the first time I can recall seeing a spider wasp so closely! It was amazingly large and fast on the ground. For more see:
http://www.entomology.ucr.edu/ebeling/ebel9-2.html#spider%20wasps
and read along on the Pompilids.

I got the jar and Enoch actually captured it by very carefully crawling over to it and placing the jar over it. We took it in for all to see and look up more information. Ours was a little more greenish with some smoky wings (closer to the Cresson?) I don't know exactly where in the wasp family it was, but it was a great diversion... such amazing color and size.

Anyway, happy Labor Day Weekend!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Just a few words

Will update soon. We are alive. Wanted to share these words from C.S. Lewis:

"Of all tyrannies a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victim may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated, but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."


Applies to alot of late, don't you think?

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Benjamin Lucas Palmer comes home!!!!





On Friday the nineteenth of June, his twelve week birthday, Benjamin Lucas Palmer finally came home. He weighed 6 lbs. 8 ounces. He is still on caffeine and a monitor and has some problems with blood pressure, but we are hopeful he will continue to improve and are so grateful we are all together as a family.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

How to comment

I used to think that only 3 people read this blog. (Thank you to the three!) Then, I neglected to post on Benjamin for awhile and boy did I hear about it! It seems that many view the blog but have no idea how to post a comment. So here's how:
At the bottom of the post you are reading there is a line that divides it from the previous post.There you will see blue lettering that says "0 comments" or some other number of comments. Click on the "comments" word and it will take you to a page where you can post a comment. That page is pretty self-explanatory. Now, I know I don't always comment on other blogs, but if you have the time, I would like to know your out there. Thanks!
Love-Jen

We are still here....

Obviously, I'm not good at the play by play blogging. I apologize for not keeping everybody informed.
We are doing pretty well. I had a bit of a breakdown last week but honestly, it ended up being a good thing. It threw things back into perspective for me and I'm doing much better.
The 5 children at home are doing well. We are working to get better from a bout with illness last week and are battling that nasty cough that never seems to go away. It's a bit frustrating because I worry about bringing Ben home to the Palmer petri dish.
Ben is doing AWESOME!! He is 1/2 ounce away from being 5 lbs. He has been off nasal cannula for almost 48 hours and has been doing well. (That means he's breathing on his own folks!) Now we need to work on the eating. He only takes about 1/3 of his feeding from nursing or a bottle and we need to get that up to 80 percent before they will take out his tube. It's a bit of a two edge sword as many things are in hospitals. If they would stop feeding through the tube he would be more motivated to learn to eat orally but he also might lose alot of weight in the process.So now we need to pray that Ben learns to eat and the other kids get better before he comes home! And of course don't forget to pray that MamaJenny doesn't lose her newly found sanity. Again.

Friday, May 15, 2009

My awesome children

I have the best children, have I mentioned that? A few days ago I really enjoyed noting all the neat things they do.
Enoch was in charge of cleaning one of the bathrooms. He took Nathan in with him and invited him to help him wash the mirror and the bathtub. They had a ball! Nathan loved being able to help and Enoch did such a great job with him. Enoch is a great buddy and mentor to our little toddler!
That same day, when it was Nathan 's nap time, Naomi asked if she could help put him to bed. She covered him with his blanket, gave him his puppy dog, and kissed him.
Joel has been so good about hopping to it lately. When he is given an assignment he has been great at getting it done immediately and without complaining. What a relief! :)
Eli is often my content one. He's the one that is happy to move to a different spot if someone absolutely has to have the one he's in, understands that sometimes I need to take care of the littles first and doesn't worry what everyone else has compared to him. He also LOVES to make new friends. He will love you whoever you are. (Obviously we need to watch that but an admirable trait all the same. :))
Nathan is his sweet, loving , cuddly self. He's the type of toddler that makes you want to always have a toddler. He's joyous and spreads it easily.
It's so nice to have Ben at the point he is at. He still has awhile and I'm scared to death of bring him home. However, it's nice to be able to get him out of his crib and feel like he is a newborn instead of a really small being grasping at life. He is so patient and quiet. One of the nurses told me that she loves working with him because he has such a feeling of peace about him.

PS .I took a great new picture of Ben and when I went to upload it, the batteries died on the camera. *sigh* Will get a new picture up soon!

Celebrate!!!!

Finally, Ben has reached 4 pounds today. He weighs 4 lbs 1/2 ounce. He rapidly started gaining but as soon as he got close to 4 he slowed way down. Maybe he knew he was a "watched pot."
He has also graduated to a crib and is up to 35 mls on his feeds. He is still on CPAP but his spells have gotten steadily less so we hope he will be moved to cannula soon. Yea for progress!
On the flip side, Nathan kept us up all night with a high fever and nasty cough. We pray that we didn't get our babysitters yesterday sick, or Ben when I visited, and that this won't spread so I can see Ben again soon.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Just when your going to cruise.......

I admit it, I fell into assuming we were almost out of the woods. :) The nurse practitioner called me today to tell me that Ben was really "spelly" so they put him back on CPAP. She also mentioned that they would get a few labs to check for infection because he seemed lethargic and they would do that after his transfusion was done. My reply was, "transfusion?" She apologized for how uninformed we were today but in their defense they are usually really good about keeping us up to date. So, Ben is unwell, they have given him blood, and let's hope it's anemia and not another infection and we can perk up here in a few days.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Chubby Ben

Last Saturday Ben finally reached 3 lbs and was wearing clothes!!! Lucky him! They've had him on CPAP for a week to try and help him rest so he will gain weight faster. He is on antibiotics because he has a little bit of urine that flows back to his kidneys and is at risk for urinary tract infection. He should grow out of that though. His eyes were checked and so far they look fine.
Yes, I know we need a recent picture. I was going to take the camera today but in the insanity of getting us all out the door I forgot it. We've had many friends loaning us cars so we can have two but this week it's just the suburban so we had to get Bart to work, kids to babysitter, and me off to Boise. What's scary is some people do this kind of insanity everyday!
Today, Ben is up to 3 lbs 8 ounces!!!!! Bart asked me if he was getting chubby, not quite chubby, less skeletal. Although several nurses like to show off that he finally has a bum cheeks. He was put back on nasal cannula so hopefully he will do okay and keep gaining weight. Thank you for all your prayers and help!!

Enoch's First Pinewood Derby



Enoch had his first pinewood derby! We even watched the show that afternoon! ("Down and Derby") He had a good time, didn't win his race but won most colorful car and he was happy. (Therefore Mom was happy.) His car is the orange one with the blue windshield.

Shoshone Falls




Wow, sorry everyone for the late update. I didn't want to bore anyone with a day by day journal and now I have managed to let three weeks pass!
Two weeks ago Bart and the children came on a Saturday and picked me up to go see Shoshone Falls. The amount of water that was going over them was amazing! We had such a wonderful time.
The Monday after I realized that it was time to return to the other children for awhile. For the past few weeks I have been living at home and visiting Ben every other day. It's been wonderful to be with my family and feel like I have purpose. Soon, it will be time to be with Ben again full time. I admit I hate the idea of choosing between the two so I have been busily been trying to figure out how I can be supermom and be there for everybody! :) Being at home with the other children has really helped my outlook on things. It feels good to have them to hold and to feel useful. It puts things into perspective for me and we are eager to bring Ben home to join the crazy!

Happy Easter!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Premie Roller Coaster...

Yes, all my titles end with a horizontal ellipse... :)

Jen called the hospital before going over this morning (14 Apr) and learned that Ben's temperature was fluctuating a bit so they ordered a blood-draw and culture. His hema-crit was low (in the 20's in stead of the 40's) and so he received a transfusion--like mama, like baby, right? :) We hope that will help him.

To further help him, they put him back on the respirator (yup, the roller coaster), some heavy-duty antibiotics, and some morphine, because his spells have just been so frequent and quite severe (bagging, even). Right now they are just letting him rest and he is riding the ventilator which is exactly what he should be doing after working so hard for the last few weeks. All of this is well within the norm for ultra-premies, so there isn't really cause to worry or think the worse of this situation. Today marked the end of his 28th gestational week, tomorrow we start at 29 1/7.

Looking on the bright side, he is so tired from working so hard on his own for so long. What a little fighter. He also continues to gain weight and tipped the scales at 1110 grams (2 lb 7 oz)! We are praying hard for our little guy and for Jen's emotional strength as she is right there in the middle of it all.


In other news, the kids have had a lot of fun with our ward members who have taken them in while I work. We are so blessed to have a good lot of neighbors and children! After dinner today we braved the sub-freezing (or at least it felt like it) Idaho wind to attempt kite flying. We were right on the edge of what those little kites could handle and it shows in their condition :) It was fun to see them aloft for the short time that it lasted. We all came in and enjoyed some warmth and books and a chat with Mama before heading to bed.

After Nathan said goodnight to Jen, I said, "Okay Buddy, time for bed!" and he toddled right into his room, climbed into bed, and laid down. I covered him and haven't heard from him since... Wow... small blessing, eh?

We are doing well--all things considered. Joel's eyes "get blurry" when the emotions swell, we do get touchy about different things and need our outlets, but we are very blessed and grateful, indeed!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Another picture



I was on Skype with the kids the other day and they snapped these pictures. We also have some of the children today in new Easter Sunday-Go-To-Meetings garb, but that is another evening's project :)

He gets his looks from his Mother... Just cute, cute, cute!!!

BTW, he is out of the Giraffe and into a "normal" isolette (for more on the cool equipment we have seen, and some we hope to never see, see http://www.neonatology.org/tour/equipment.html). The Giraffe is an incubator that the top lifts up and three sides drop so you can get at baby without barriers... pretty fancy. But Ben has graduated and someone else can "enjoy" the Giraffe.

Happy Easter!

Easter is upon us!!! We can probably be more thankful for Christ's resurrection, but sometimes it is hard to imagine how. Over these three weeks we have met so many parents who are happy, at peace, and loving their children; and their troubles make our trials look ridiculously simple... Some children are on their 4th surgery, some have another 4-6 surgeries left. Some have lost one of their twins, others have children who are near vegetables and yet they love and laugh and live life to the fullest... The inspire me and lift me when, really, it should be the other way around. The beautiful thing about all of this is Christ's Atonement covers the pains and sorrows we all feel, and that these children will live again and are saved... how beautiful!

The older children came home last night. We were late getting out of Boise, so we were just starting to put things away when they arrived. It is so good to have them back! They had a wonderful Easter and all could tell us the true meaning of the celebration--even when loaded on heavy doses of sugar and chocolate! (speaking of, they are all in bed and the malt-eggs are calling my name... :)

We were all able to be at church today, a nice attempt at normalcy :) Things went well. I didn't know how much I had missed my Sunday School class... they are such a bastion of spiritual strength and love; some would be scared to enter a room of 17-yr olds, but with the Gospel and such wonderful youth, there is every reason to rejoice. I just feel badly that our Churrasco fell through yesterday, but we are rescheduling!

We had a great Easter dinner with Jen's parents and then they were off to home... they have been just fabulous! And, while I haven't really spoken with her, I think Carlynn and family are recovering well from my children (except they may miss them terribly!!! :)

The local Ward is gearing up to help us. The Relief Society Presidency came over tonight and we went through the schedule: Jen with Ben, me with the other children. I'll take them to some very kind families for the mornings while I work in the office then I'll pick them up and work from home and at night. We'll be with Jen and Ben on the weekends (or other days where we'll need a break) to go to the zoo, Discovery center, or any other activities!

Ben is doing so very well. Tonight they are going to 14cc's of milk every three hours. He is almost 1,100 grams now http://www.google.com/search?q=convert+1076+grams+to+ounces (there are 16 oz in a pound :) OR do it yourself at http://www.mostonline.org/BirthWeightConvCombo.htm (the pdf chart is helpful). He is just growing and eating very well. They will continue to increase his feedings.

He is doing so very well on the CPAP! He still has "spells" but I figure that will just make him a good writer someday ;) *snigger* Really, they call them spells, but it is really ABCDP(and a number of severity of intervention) So...
  • A is for apnea (20 seconds not breathing),
  • B - Brady Cardia (or slow heart-rate, we have seen the 30s and 40s),
  • C - color (is he still pink or some other not-so-good color),
  • D - desat (do his O2 saturation levels drop), and
  • P - periodic (does he stop breathing or breathe shallowly for less than 20 seconds).
Then, the numbers are
  1. baby recovers on their own,
  2. baby needs some prodding (e.g., massage, flick feet)
  3. turn up the oxygen (he is on room air right now)
  4. something more... (we hope we don't see this one much/ever!)
So he has some p2 or bp2 every now and again, but he pulls a 3 once a day or so. The time is coming, so we are told, where these spells become very frequent, but that by 34-36 weeks things should calm down and pretty much stop. He should be breastfeeding about then as well. So much to look forward to and seemingly so much time to wait. We know it will go quickly (in retrospect, anyway) and it will be a 'blip' in life. Right now we are just grateful for everything we have.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Feed Time!!!

Just another update from today...

Little Ben is doing so well!!!

Yesterday we were there when they did "cares" (removing the CPAP mask and massaging his head, etc.) and you would have chuckled as he just loved the caresses--much like a puppy who is enjoying a good scratch behind the ear. That CPAP is really allowing him to rest and put on the pounds (grams, actually :); he is already over 1 kg (1040 grams this morning and 1010 yesterday and 992 the day before; 30 g ~~ 1 oz), he weighed in at 990 grams at birth.

Not only is he resting and bulking up, there is nothing left in his stomach by the time he eats again--a very good thing. So they have him on 6 cc (also 6 ml and just over a teaspoon) of milk every three hours, but every twelve hours they will increase the meal by one cc. At that rate he'll be at the 'normal' "biggie-sized" meal of 21cc in about 7 days. Of course he'll be bigger then, so he'll just have to keep increasing (probably won't stop until he hits 30, eh? That's 30 years...).

Anywho, we just couldn't feel any better about this whole situation.

We know from whence the blessings come and you all have been part with every prayer. Thank you for your help. When folks ask what they can do, for the moment I say, "rest for now and just pray... The time is coming that I'll have the children at home, that is when we'll need the most help!" No, I am not afraid of being alone with my own children--quite the contrary, I cannot wait to be with them. I am more nervous about trying to balance them and work and trips to Boise...

BTW, please pray for my sister who has her five and my five all at once!!! Thanks Auntie Nin. Oh, and that pink-eye doesn't spread!!!!! :)

Exciting times - it never ends...

So this evening we were enjoying a little down time with some new friends here at the Ronald McDonald House. While chatting we heard some sirens and kept talking--near a hospital, that is kind of normal, right?

Well, I excused myself and came to the room. Jen follows not long after, a little anxious and turns on the TV and starts hunting for the local news... Okay... Well, turns out that there was some kind of a steam leak in the OR which somehow got into the air vents in the NICU and they were evacuating some babies...

YIKES!!

When I called over, the nurses were plenty happy to talk to us and let us know that it was another unit down the hall and not the one little Ben is in. He has a new roommate for the time being, but nothing horrible happened and everyone is doing well--as far as we know, anyway.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Two steps forward, one step back

   Well, Ben took what good be considered a step back, but I chose not to see it as such. :)

  He has been having regular spells of his heartrate and oxygen levels dropping and struggling to get them back up. ( I can't remember the term, sorry.) I'm told that this is what babies at this age do. So, it is not that something is wrong necessarily, just that he needs to mature. Babies this young have trouble remembering to breathe on their own. Ben has worked hard on his own being on just nasal cannula for about 5 days now. Today they had to put him back on c-pap because he was struggling so much.  He just needed a break. They checked for infection just to make sure, and no sign of it. His ultrasound on his brain yesterday looked fine. He is tolerating his feeding well and they continue to up them every day. Right now he is at 4 ml which really isn't much, but he is gaining weight. Today he is back to birth weight at 992 grams. (about 2lbs 3 oz, I believe.) And so we forge ahead!
  Tonight Bart and I go to the Ronald McDonald House. I admit I never thought I would have to do something like this again after Joel, but I am grateful things have gone well so far. 
   I am really excited to see the kids this weekend. So excited in fact that I'm half tempted to move to Boise until Ben is out of the hospital so I can actually see them more then the weekends for the next few months. 
 Bart has been wonderful watching me like a hawk to make sure I take care of myself and watching for postpartum depression.  I try not to give him too many worries. He is looking into job possibilities but it's hard to know what to do with everything going on. Keep praying for us, only about 3 months to go............(Sorry the self-pity creeps in sometime's :))
  

Sunday, April 5, 2009

A funny picture before this all happened



  My parents were visiting us right before I ended up in the hospital. These two pictures show my technological curious kids all hovered around Grandpa playing with his IPhone. 

Ben on Saturday

Thurs. -Sat.

  So here is our update for the past couple of days. 
  Nathan has been doing well up in Washington but his illness spread to Naomi. Luckily, she's still bopping around so she must not be feeling too terribly. Joel has gone from feeling badly that we wouldn't be together as a family for his birthday to completely milking the opportunity to have a birthday party with cousins, and all the family within close range, and having one with us when they return. (He's a smart kid.) I talked to each of the kids yesterday on the phone and they are having a blast. Even Nathan mumbled at me instead of just staring at the phone. 
  We will probably bring them home Easter weekend and then more adventures will begin.
   I have been growing steadily stronger physically. We had a few little scary blips like my legs swelling slightly after I was released and worrying  my incision might be getting infected, but the swelling went down and everything else looks really good. 
  We were struggling being an hour away from Ben, so on thursday we moved in with some friends in Boise until we can get into the Ronald McDonald house on Tues. They have been extremely generous to us even to the point of moving us into their room until I am a bit stronger and can do the stairs to the guest room. 
  Benjamin is the NICU "rock star." He has been on just nasal cannula for a few days and  has started feedings.  We have had lots of encouraging comments such as, "he thinks he is older then he is," and " he obviously hasn't read the premie book." You would think that this would make things easier for me but I have really struggled with seeing him. We would go to the hospital in the evening and I could barely stand being in his room for more than 20 minutes and would inevitably dissolve into tears on the way home. Of course, I would then add guilt to my plate that I have been such a wimp. 
  However, yesterday we watched General Conference for our church in the morning. Everything said spoke to us and many things spoke to me. One thing said was that Christ could have learned to understand our individual sufferings through revelation but instead he chose to suffer with us. Also said was that sometimes we have faith but it's hard to have courage. That's exactly how I have been feeling. I have faith that everything will be alright in the end but have been scared of how painful it might be to get there. 
  I came away from Conference with the desire to look beyond Ben's fragile frame and see his  powerful Spirit. I know he's an extremely Strong Being with the ability to conquer his present struggles with the Lord's help. We left yesterday to visit him during mid-day in the hopes that the time difference would also help my ability to cope. It was the best visit ever! I could see Ben for who he is, I felt great hope and we enjoyed a great interaction with him. 
  Currently, they are a little worried that he may have rotavirus and one other virus that I don't remember the name of. He is being tested for both. They are taking extra precautions when giving him care because they are both highly contagious. However, he continues to plug along and they have upped his feedings to every three hours and hopefully, if he does have them they will be gone soon or are almost gone. 


Skin to Skin




  Tues. and Wed. Bart and I each had the opportunity to do "skin to skin" with Benjamin. The closeness is really wonderful for premies development. I have to admit it was a beautiful and disturbing experience all at once.  It was beautiful to be able to hold him and do something for him,  but disturbing to feel how very small he is and feel completely inadequate in taking care of him. 

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Tax Season...

Ben Update: Ben was extubated (yes, a good thing) yesterday at about 6pm and is now only on a CPAP machine (often used for sleep apnea). They had been sedating him to keep him from spiking his blood pressure, but now that he is off the dopamine they don't worry so much about that. But now on the flip-side, they are giving him caffeine to help him remember to breathe. Poor kid, a sedation one day and stimulants another... :)

We should get to hold him today.

On another note...
In the LDS Church we have the Priesthood power just like the ancient apostles and so we are able to receive blessings of healing, comfort, and for other reasons. It was through these blessings that we have had reassurances of how Ben and Jen would be just fine even though things were scary at times.

I received a blessing Sunday night in which I was told that the Lord is pleased with our faith and that my capabilities would be taxed as I take care of my family, finish my dissertation, work, and in other necessary endeavors. It wasn't long until I would find out more fully what those necessary endeavors would be...

Yesterday afternoon I received a letter from TVCC that due to budget issues they would not be renewing my contract on 1 July of this year... Yup, as of July first I am unemployed. So, if anyone has any knowledge of work for a former stagehand/lighting technician and web developer or instructional designer or educational researcher, please drop us a line. My vita can be downloaded at http://itls.usu.edu/people/bart-palmer.

This is a good thing. It is tax season and we are being taxed, stretched, tried, tested, and refined in the Refiner's fire. Our faith is that this is preparation for greater capacity to accomplish greater things than hitherto accomplished.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Ben's Diaper


Here is a picture of one of Ben's diapers in my hand. (Yes, that is my beautiful shoulder in a beautiful pink hospital gown.)
Bart checked on the other kids and they are doing well. My 16 year old niece was Nathan's caregiver last night. Thank you! He seems to be doing better today. They were all watching "Cars" when Bart called. They declined to talk to him. That was how I was hoping they would be, on vacation from the parents. :)

Benjamin

Kids are amazing

I fully believe that you can't be the best person you can be, until you have been a parent. Not only because of the experiences you face refining you, but also because of the amazing examples your children are to you.
I want to share a bit of the fun and amazing things the kids have done during this hard time.

Enoch has really stepped up to the plate as the oldest. They all came to visit me last week and Joel tearfully sat with me on my bed. Enoch came up and very gently told Joel that Mom would not die, that she would be alright. As terrible as it is to know that some of the children have had to worry that I might die, it's wonderful to hear of their faith and of their consideration for each other.
As they were preparing to be shipped off to cousins in Washington for this week Enoch asked Bart if Joel could take the family picture with him. Enoch had told Joel that one time when he had to be apart from us for awhile he had the family picture with him and it helped him feel comfort that we would be together again. Bart gave him permission and Joel took down the picture off the wall and packed it with their things. I think that is the neatest ever.
Enoch has decided to start a greeting card company. They made cards for me and as Enoch was showing off his he was informed that some people do that for a living. So he has added that to his list of careers.
Eli has been his sweet self. He is so assured that everything will be okay. He was so excited to see his cousins. Sometime's it is a comfort that they don't alway need Mom.
Joel was excited to go to cousins but sad because this weekend will be his birthday and he was upset that we wouldn't be a family on his birthday. After some talking he has decided it will be okay to have a family party even if it has to be after his birthday. In fact, I think he now has plans to have a party with his cousins, one with us, and one even at a family reunion that isn't until August!
The kids suggested names for the baby before we decided on Ben. Enoch suggested Oliver. A name of a baby of one of our dear friends. At least he's old enough to actually be suggesting real names instead of nonsense words, or food names and such! Eli suggested Troy Bolton. Yes, my mom and sister had been having a High School Musical marathon with the kids. Naomi suggested Princess, and I'm not sure what Joel suggested. However, we have chosen the first name and are know thinking of middle names. Joel suggests Franklin because then he could be name after Benjamin Franklin.
Naomi has amazed me. She is such a Momma's girl lately I thought this would be particularly hard on her. However, she has hardly batted an eye. She's had lot of fun with Grandma and is very excited to go visit her cousins where the odds are 4 girls and 1 boy. She's excited not to be the only girl! It has been a comfort to have her visit me with smiles and fun and not seem worried about what's going on.
She also helped Grandma pick out some clothes to bring to me. She picked a "beautiful' maternity shirt that is a nicer black and white blouse, she added some capris that are different shades of blue in a flower pattern. Grandma taking mercy on me, quickly added some grey yoga pants that work a "little" better with my "beautiful"shirt.
Being away from Nathan has been the hardest. He is still one of my "babies.' He has also been sick. He went off to Washington with a fever, cough, no appetite, and miserable. I have been worried about him. He is only 20 months and has no idea why his life is upside down. He has clung to my sister incessantly. Please pray that he will get well. I hate the idea that he is 6 hours away, confused, and really sick. I pray that soon he will be well and can enjoy the cute dog and his fun cousins and only have to deal with confusion rather than everything else.
It's been an amazing to me to have to literally put my children in the hands of the Lord and ask him to watch over them and all who have them in their care. It's also been amazing to me to see my kids move faithfully forward. I love being a mother. Although this pregnancy has me pretty close to convinced to adopt from here on out :), it also has me convinced that my children and my husband are treasures beyond price and well worth everything.

The day is bright

Much has happened over the past few days so I'll try to update you all and try not to be too graphic. :)
I spent about three days here at St. Luke's hospital in Boise trying to stay pregnant to give the baby as much time as possible. I would do pretty well during the day but at night I would bleed most of the night. My blood count kept on getting lower and lower. Finally, Thursday night I also started having contractions, which they absolutely do not want because if my cervix opened I would be in danger of hemorrhaging.
The doctor I had been seeing here has been a wonderful man, who listened really well, and tried to be as non-invasive as possible. Thursday night another doctor was on call to give him a break. This doctor immediately started having my nurse fill me up with medication. It was awful. Both the nurse and the doctor were confident that if they gave me the right drugs I would be fine. They did listen when I told them I didn't want a certain drug, I told them I was sure this wouldn't stop the bleeding. I honestly prayed I would make it until morning when Dr. Seyb would be back.
When he got in he told them to stop giving me those medications. YEA! Then he came in and we talked. I told him I honestly didn't feel that I was going to improve and wasn't sure if my body or emotions could handle one more night. He agreed and he immediately scheduled my c-section. I was grateful that he included me in the decision on when was the right time. It was also wonderful to have my nurse that day, (thank you Tanda), tell me she felt my decision was right, and the neonatolagist tell me he felt that this was the best decision as well. IT relieved the pain I felt knowing that the more time our of my body the harder fight my baby would have. I was only 26 weeks 3 days along.
I went into the c-section ,was given my spinal and because of the great team the Lord set-up for me was relatively calm for someone who has abhorred the idea of a c-section and was going to have her baby at home! However, the spinal stopped at my waist. The doctor pinched my stomach, I felt it, so they had to put me under. This scared me, I kept telling the Lord I was in his hands, to please help me. I started to cry as they put me under and looked up to see Dr. Seyb looking down at me with kind eyes, softly telling me it would be okay.
I later swam out of my stupor to find myself in recovery. It turns out I had ALOT of old blood clots, and it was DEFINETLY time to get that baby out of there. Thank heavens for Doctors who actually listen to their patients! I had lost a lot of blood so they gave me two pints.
My mom and sister had come down to take over the kids, thank you to all who have helped up to this point! It was so comforting to have them here.
We had a baby boy. 2 lbs. 2 oz. 14 1/2 inches long. His name is Benjamin. So far Ben has done amazingly well. He has been put on a regular ventilator, taken off Dopamine to regulate his blood pressure, and is breathing pretty much room air. He has pretty much been forward progress, so keep praying!
I am doing wonderful although I still had a bit of a battle afterwards. I did alright for about 12 hours after the c-section then I started going down hill again. My kidneys weren't fuctioning alot longer then was expected and I started getting more and more tired, they did another test and my blood count was REALLY low. Turns out I still had lost a lot of of blood and hadn't regained enough yet. So the 36 hours after surgery was spent with me getting two more pints of blood and trying not to worry about having to have something else done to get my kidneys going and fighting the heavy feeling that if I went to sleep I wouldn't wake up again. It was a constant battle between the faith I had in the promises the Lord have given me and the weakest my body has ever felt in my entire life.
I am happy to say 3 days after surgery I am doing extremely well. My lines are all out, I can eat, kidneys do function!, I can actually think and respond, smile, it's wonderful. I feel so much joy as I look out the sunny window. Today is such a huge contrast to the darker days past. I am so thankful to be here, for Ben to be here, for my husband, children, for the Lord who's hands we have been in this whole time. Thank you for all your prayers! And please forgive me if I told you to much detail! Love-Jen

Thursday, March 26, 2009

"A Hard Day's Night"

Well, time for another dump :)

As many know, we are expecting a baby about the first of July. Last month Jen's water broke over President's Day weekend. We put her on bed-rest and it closed up and she slowly started back into activity.

Everything was going very well.

And then Saturday happened...

At 2:30 AM her water broke again and she was spotting... Back to bed-rest. Her parents were in town, so they were able to help with everything going on (kids, pruning, housework before Sunday, etc.). Sunday was a great day—it was great to have Gma & Gpa and Auntie Steph S. here.

Everything was going very well.

And then Tuesday happened...

At 2 AM she leaked (yes, a technical term) a surprising amount of blood and amniotic fluid. The leakage waned and we were praying and waiting to see what would happen. After some consultation (again) with the midwife, we decided it was time to head in to the hospital.

We got to Ontario at about 5AM (thank you Kerri for coming over so early and staying so late) and had an ultra-sound (sorry, still no definitive gender but leaning toward boy) and got transported to Boise.

Things have been touch and go since then.

We have a great team of periontologists, neonatalologists, residents, nurses, and food service folks looking out for us.

The periontologist did an ultra-sound and diagnosed the double-whammy of marginal placenta previa (where the placenta is very close to the "exit" sign) and an abruption of the placenta (or tearing away) toward the top of the uterus. Either one of those is a case for C-Section, so with both together, we are planning a C.

Thankfully, though, the folks here are not in a hurry to get baby out—more on why later. If only we could rest a bit :)

More in the next post.

Friday, January 2, 2009